How do we ponder in our hearts?

Finding unity in our thoughts and feelings around faith

“But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19, NRSVCE)

            As far back as I can remember, in hazy memories of lighting advent candles and reading from our large bible, this verse has gently tugged at my heart and piqued my curiosity. When I was young, Luke’s gospel fascinated me because it addressed the inner life and spirituality of a woman, a girl like me. When I first became a mother, the word “treasured” reminded me of my feelings towards my own dear little ones. At my current stage of life, I hold this phrase dear because it speaks to my own thought processes that are irrevocably influenced by my heart. I connect to this piece of Mary who wanted to ponder, to wonder, to treasure.        

            Growing up I found myself in-between what I saw as two sides of a coin. One side deeply yearning for a solid, rational foundation for my faith, the other loving the mystery and beauty of the my feelings around the greatest love story ever told. God gently whispered to me the possibility of a cohesive connection between thought and feeling each time I read about how Mary “pondered these things in her heart.” I love to mull things over, to think deeply, to read commentaries, to write and revise; but I ponder best through the channel of my heart, when I experience my faith as a united whole of knowledge and emotion.

            The instance of Mary pondering in her heart takes place during a moment of tender motherhood (Luke 2:19). Perhaps my own motherhood triggered this revelation on pondering in connection to the heart. I find myself grasping for every milestone and rational understanding of my children’s growth, while also knowing on a bone deep level that all I can truly do is savor this stage, this age, this moment with them. Motherhood continually teaches me to unite my understanding of their development with my deep love for them, to ponder their littleness in my heart while accepting and delighting in their growth.

            This dichotomy of feelings and thought has recently taken center stage as my daughter approaches the age of four. I adore her childlike wonder and her deep love of Jesus. At this age, her knowledge structures her understanding of a theological concept in addition to her feelings. For instance, this Christmas her love of lighting our advent wreath is matched only by her pride when she names each candle and helps me tell the Christmas story. I love to watch the wheels in her head turn as she processes concepts like Jesus as a baby. One of my favorite Christmas memories occurred last year when, as we read from our Advent book the story of Christ presented at the temple, my daughter sprang up from her seat and shouted, “I was presented at the temple when I was a baby!” and rushed to retrieve the photo of her baptism. She earnestly sought a connection to this idea of Christ as a baby and was overjoyed when she discovered it. She pondered in her heart, and that fact made my own heart soar.  

            I believe that many of us feel a desire to process the mysteries of our faith in both an emotional and knowledgeable capacity. When I study scripture and theology, I find myself itching to tell someone about the material that stirs my heart. For example, I find myself tearing up over how Luke employed Old Testament vocational structure in his gospel to emphasize Mary’s importance in the annunciation narrative. Or when I come across research on Hagar’s title as one of the first theologians, due to her naming God “the one who sees me,” and it floors me with its truth and compassion.

            As I work through my seventh year of seminary, I am processing how my classes have not only challenged my perceptions and grown my knowledge base, but also ignited a fire in my heart towards the stories and experiences of those often overlooked or marginalized. ‘The Pondering Heart’ will examine these stories and lessons that I am blessed to study in seminary through a monthly email. Each month I hope to share a personal reflection, as well as commentaries, authors, books, and artwork that I am enjoying. While this endeavor stems from academia, my writing will reflect the heart piece of the equation: the musings of feeling and thought united.

            In short, I hope for this to encourage each reader in their faith and to provide reflections that inspire the pondering of the heart. Please reach out and let me know what you are reading, writing, or working on; I love to receive recommendations!

My first recommendation for you is the lovely image at the top of the page: a piece titled ‘Peace in the Chaos’ by my friend and spiritual director Anna Bonnema. For the full story on the artwork and more of her beautiful work, check out her instagram @annabonnema. I’ve also linked my Instagram and Live Today Well, a ministry I am fortunate to write for, if you’d like to get a feel for my work.

Yours in prayer, Alli